Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
