so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
