In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
