if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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