So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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