I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am one with the molecules
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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