I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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