Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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