I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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