when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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