for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
