Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize