There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
