upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
