i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
