She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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