My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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