Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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