Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
