Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
