The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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