YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
