I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
