hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
