I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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