You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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