I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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