I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
