I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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