Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
