he wants to bone in the snuggie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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