Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
