I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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