Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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