I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
