my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
