He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
