I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
