oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
