I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
