bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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