Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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