I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
