I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
