Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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