I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
