saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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