??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
