I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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