im drinking this country out of the recession.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
