My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We named our party play list daddy issues
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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