I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
