Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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