This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize