Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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