my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
