he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
