Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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