i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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