You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Found the puke drawer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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