My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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