I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have fence marks all over my body
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
