the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
