So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
