Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
