I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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