I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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