i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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