i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
