New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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