it hurts more in the daytime
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
