I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
