did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
