shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You pole danced in your parka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize